"Thanks for MY child"

Raising children within the sanctity of marriage, or as a couple affords the privilege of sharing responsibilities; dual diaper duty, live in baby-sitter and splitting financial burdens, hence, R. Kelly’s desire to go “half on a baby.” Now, every sweet deal has its sour spots, so things don’t always go according to plans.

One of the major parental faux pas (in my opinion), would be disharmony amongst the parental units displayed amidst the children. When I was growing up, I constantly heard adults say, “Stay in a child’s place and out of grown folks face,” but parents today seem to give their kids a front row seat to their drama. A large component of this disharmony is when one parent overrides the authority of the other (in the child’s presence). I’m sure we can all bare witness to the following:

Child: “can I have some cookies? “
Dad: “no, it’s about time for dinner.”
Mom: “oh, he can have the cookies…it’s not going to hurt-eat the cookie baby.”

Now, children are prone to gravitate more toward the ‘pleasing’ parent; the one that lets them have their way, so before long things start sounding like this:

Child: (eating cookies before dinner in the fathers presence)
Dad: “what did I tell you about eating snacks right before dinner?”
Child: “mom already said I could have them.”
Dad: (sitting in silence)

The child in this situation has been taught to listen to one parent over the other; causing them to lose respect for the ‘uncooperative’ parent who doesn’t give in to their desires. I’ve seen things go as far as the child telling one parent when the other parent disciplines them, knowing the ‘pleasing’ parent will come to their rescue. This is a major problem people; LIFE lessons are being taught in childhood. Freud once said, “Give me a child between the ages of 1-7 and after that you can have them back.” Why, because these are the crucial developmental years, the time of molding, training for adulthood (Proverbs 22:6).

Co-habitating, Co-parenting means Co-operation on all levels! Parents have got to start looking at the detrimental affects their behaviors have on the children their raising. There is a need to communicate HOW you're going to handle these types of situations; an understanding needs to agreed upon. I have the 'pleasure' of being the sole provider for my sons, so in addition to being the only one paying for everything, I'm also the only one making decisions. Parents may no agree on everything, but they must agree that respect for the other parent must be maintained at all times, and I think that's easily done by putting on a smile and tightening those lips in the presence of the child and talking things over behind the curtain.

Now the question is what do you do when you’ve not been albe to form this allegiance with your co-parent and have been labeled the ‘uncooperative’ one; you've come to feel like you've been duped because the two-parent unit you thought you were apart of has dissipated and all you hear your mate saying is, "thanks for MY child."