Wise Counsel-Preview

Boy, are you guys in for a treat; this piece of knewness is going to serve as an advice column…kinda like dear Abby. The Bible tells us to seek wise counsel and since I wear glasses…I think that qualifies me as such, AND since everybody’s always requiring a second-opinion , I’ve gotten with one of the wise men, no, not one that was led to Christ, but one from blogworld (although he was led to Christ too...just a couple thousand years later).

Here’s how things are going down; I’ve added a page element on the side of my page with email addresses for you guys to send real-life situations and dilemmas for Sojourner (the wise man) and myself to offer a First and Second Opinion on. If you’d like to give your situation anonymously, you can leave it in the comment section of the current post on either page. The situations (no more than 3) and opinions will be displayed every Thursday for your reading pleasure. Just for the record, neither of us are licensed therapists or counselors (YET-I'm working on it). We are just two people with opinions for those who are looking for objective feedback on their situations or questions.

Now, just to wet your whistle…here’s a real sample situation:

"THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR?!"

I have this female friend, who’s got a thing for me, but I’m not interested in her because she’s a bug-a-boo. We tried kick’n it for a minute, but she just really gets on my nerves, but I didn’t have a problem being friends. About a week ago, I had to attend a seminar in AC and asked her if she wasn’t doing anything would she like, to go so we went...no problem.

Well, I was telling this to a friend and they asked why I even invited her since I’m always talking about how she gets on my nerves, and I said because I needed a ride. My friend got all upset and called me a user, but I made sure I wasn’t imposing on her or anything…she didn’t have to go if she didn’t want to AND what’s wrong with us being friends? Do you think I was wrong?

Anonymous

F.O. (First Opinion) :

I'd have to agree with your friend, because if she gets on your nerves why be bothered? Also, and this is the most important thing to me, you knew how she felt about you. Just because you turned her in the ‘off’ position doesn’t mean she’s done the same with you; she’s going to grab hold of any chance she gets, so asking her to go away somewhere was misleading; you built false hopes just because you wanted a ride. You may have viewed things as being harmless, but didn't give much thought as to how she’d feel during and after the trip when you’ve gotten back to dismissing her and ‘friends’ don’t treat each other that way. Thanks for offering this situation and I hope my opinion helped, if not…here's another!

S.O. (Second Opinion):

Couple clues here from your own words.
1)"...thing for me but I'm not interested in her": There's nothing wrong with building or maintaining a friendship with someone that you are "not feelin' that way," but the fair and compassionate thing to do is to make your feelings clear from the start. I don't know if you've done that. If she's not able to get where you are as far as feelings, distance might be in order for both of you. Since she gets on your nerves, I'm not sure why you want to spend any time with her at all.

2)"She's a bug-a-boo": This term alone indicates either her neediness or just a basic personality trait. We've all run into them at some point in our lives. You seem to be running away from it...or are you? Why would you engage a bug-a-boo? That's like an asthmatic smoking a cigarette, you're just asking for it.

3)"I needed a ride": This is the key. Your reasoning didn't involve getting to know her, building the relationship, wanting to do something nice for her or trying to put the friendship on the right footing. You needed a ride. At best, though you say you made sure it wasn't an imposition, a person can never fully understand the emotional imposition we place on others. Men are particularly susceptible to failure of taking into account the feelings of women. Face it; a lot of things get missed. And if you realize the possibility but forge ahead anyway, you're failing to pay attention at best and inconsiderate at worst.
My opinion, based only on what you've said? You're a user.