Friday, May 11, 2007

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY QUEENS!!!

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning.'
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'
13. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
14. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'
15. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.'
16. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
17. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'
18. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'
19. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'
20. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

p.s...I didn't write this.

22 comments:

dcsavvystar said...

Isn't this hilarious! Happy Mother's Day to you!

Sugar said...

Too funny! You have a great Mother's Day!

mark said...

:). Great post Happy mothers day JMW.

field negro said...

Happy Mother's Day my sister!

Great post.

Mizrepresent said...

Wonderful post!

deepnthought said...

Man. this was great. It made me think of my mom and all my god mommys

Michelle said...

haha i like the underwear one :)

dc_speaks said...

Happy Belated MOther's Day, T!

JustMeWriting said...

THANK YOU GUYS... and a special hello to all the special (new) guess...what a pleasure to have you stop by.

Bklyn Diva said...

LMAO.. hope you had a good time with your mom!

Olawunmi said...

lol. i read this a while ago, but thanks for resfreshing my memory.

JustMeWriting said...

bklyn diva: Yes I did lady...thank you. Yesterday was my sisters b-day too, so my mom was just happy having all the kids over and we went to church with her...so you know that was IT...LOL.

olawunmi: yeah...I've always liked this one too...thanks for the visit...don't make it your last (please) LOL.

YAZMAR said...

ooops Happy Mothers Day

Moms are wonderful and I couldn't have been blessed any better with my mom

JustMeWriting said...

yazmar: why thank you...yes mothers are such a blessing...which just made me think of all the kids in foster homes...(yeah, why'd I have to go there)

Ab said...

o shucks... i thought u wrote it, and was planning to put you on top of my list...:)
ne wys, wonderfull read...

JustMeWriting said...

LOL...I'm sorry to dissappoint you ab, I'll make sure it's me doing all the writing next time you come back...lol thanks for the visit.

CortneyGee said...

i ddn't know you were a mom... would have said it loud and clear happy mother's day ( or are you a babies mamma ? if so get the check and don't worry about the day!!!Mother's day keeps coming for mine each 30 days .. ooh I hate me some her !)
This post was hilarious you are witty as hell and I'm glad you took the doo rag off ... and shined up them lips .. now how about a full body shot ?

JustMeWriting said...

cort: OOOHHHH....YOU ACTIN UP...LOL, ok...I can't believe you talking bout me like that...it's cool dough...say it to my face (LOL) and you know what...I'm ALMOST tempted to post a full body shot...JUST FOR YOU... lol. IN FACT...I'LL DO IT TOMORROW, SO WHERE YA GLASSES... LOL

CortneyGee said...

went to eye doctor and got prescription filled ... now what nukka

JustMeWriting said...

LOL... LOL.. OK...YOU GOT ME.

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

That was too damn much! Had me laffin' so hard I could barely read it! Strangely enough, my mother taught me the same stuff!!!

JustMeWriting said...

did she really...well good for her, and I'm glad you enjoyed it...(although I didn't write it)(shhhh, don't tell nobody) lol.