Wednesday, September 19, 2007

RED and WHITE HANDED!!!

Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched??? (just kidding) BUT...

I remember once…ONCE, when I was a CHILD (seriously, I was about seven), and being the quiet, sweet little girl that I was, I was entrusted with the task of hanging the teacher’s coat in the closet (that fool). Anyway, times were hard back then and I’d been feening for a Susie Q snack cake for about a year or so, then one day…I caught THE FEVER!

As I stood on the tips of my toes to reach the hook, visions of ‘sugar-plums’ danced in my head…well it wasn’t really “sugar-plums,” but the sweet taste of all that thick cream (PLEASE GET YA MINDS OUT THE GUTTER…THIS IS NOT A PORN SITE) LOL…NASTY’S! Now, as I’m standing there getting all hot and feverish with anticipation, I hear the faint sound of coins (in the teachers pocket) calling to me ---WHAT? THEY CALLED MY NAME! Me being the quiet sweet girl that I was felt compelled to free them from that London Fog prison (those poor coins).

The dastardly deed was done and I engorged myself with sugary delight, but OH THE CREAM; it just kept calling me and calling me and calling me. I couldn’t fight it off anymore, after all, I was just a little girl (of 18…hahah…just kidding). So there I was forced to bare the cry of my groining stomach matched only by the jingle of the beckoning coins…AGAIN, CALLING ME (I wasn’t bothering them). The urge was met again, and again, and again.

Now, after sometimes things became a ‘piece of Susie Q cake,’ and I had mastered the art of ‘freeing helpless change victims’ from pockets…heck, I’d even ventured into OTHER teachers pockets (why leave the rest to suffer). Short lived, but long enough the sweet cream train to freedom came to a screeching halt when the teacher caught me going in her wallet (oh, I didn’t tell you guys I stepped up my game a bit). She called my mother right then and there and told her of about TWO other times she’d seen me going in the coat pockets (that sneaky B didn’t even say anything). Needless to say, my mother beat the cream outta me and I NEVER stole again (that week).

Have you guys ever gotten caught stealing?

Oh, check out this video!!!

26 comments:

anonymousnupe said...

I didn't get caught, technically, but the knucklehead I was wit did, stealing tube socks and reflecting sunglasses (it was 1975, ok?). And since it was my grandfather who had taken us to the mall (Prince George's Plaza) to stock up for our 9th grade class trip to Disney, and who had to "bail" him out of the security office, it was as if I had gotten caught, too, when it came to suffering the consequences. The worst part was, I told dude, "Dave, I think that dude right there is undercover store security, man." But did he listen? If my momma hadn't already paid all that loot for the trip, my black behind woulda been sittin' right at home. I hated most of my classmates anyway (mainly 'cause I was a nerd and not "cool"), so it would have been just as well. That's right! I said it! Bertie Backus Jr. High School, class of 1975, you suck!

Opinionated Diva said...

LMAO!!!

I had neighbors that stole every damn thing. Their mother would have a party and steal all the food from the supermarket - everybody knew Fat Jacky was the hook up. Her whole family (from her mother, to her brother, to her kids) stole.

I happened to be in the store with her daughters one day - I think I was 8 or 9. After they stole a bag of chips, I followed suit and stole a bag of chips.

The trick was to send the store owner to make a sandwich. While he's occupied you stuff the chips in your pocket. Done - no problem. Nobody tole me not to pull the bag of chips out of said pocket right in front of the store though!

I was instantly caught - he told my mother. That was the end of my career of five finger discounts!

Sheletha said...

what is it about being 7 and stealing???

I didn't get caught, but I remember at that age at school I would take the Sunmaid raisins out of the snack cabinet. I believe that I did it for half the year. I didn't get caught, or if the teacher did see me she didn't say anything. God takes care of babies and fools because it was something within that told me to stop, so I did.

funny, i haven't thought about that for a while now.

Sheletha said...

oh and what the hale were you doing hanging up a teachers coat?

jameil1922 said...

i just want to know why that lady was carrying that giant white purse (at all but) with that outfit-- she looks like winter, he looks like summer. i would've been glad he didn't dig in my purse after he emptied the trash-- tho i'm sure he emptied other trash cans. i couldn't steal. my conscience was too loud.

GC said...

I might have relieved a classmate of a few bright shiny coins in the first grade while he had left his book bag unguarded. Perhaps.

Terry said...

When I was nine I stole a garden hose. I was paid to do it.

What happen was...this older kid in my neighborhood told me he would pay me a dollar to steal their garden hose so he wouldn't have to water the lawn anymore. I did it while they were eating dinner to give him an alibi.

Didn't work though; his parents made him hike down to Ace Hardware and buy another one.

But I got PAID! I then considered a life of crime, but I couldn't do the time. You know how that formula works.

Sojourner G said...

tsk tsk. so young.
I was twice that age when my mom found out I was lifting her collectible coins to make up my comic book inspired shortfall of my paper route.

Mizrepresent said...

Well at a young age, i was the serious Kleptomaniac...yep i thought i could lift any thing...i mean who would suspect a 9 year old, right...taught early by my older cousins...until that day, i wanted a tent so bad, that i lifted it, the poles in my pants legs, the tent slid down and under the shirt...yep, yep, i was gonna be sleeping under the stars that night...until Officer Friendly/not, found me and my cuz out...well lessoned learned...even a good thief can at anytime be a caught thief!

CapCity said...

DaYYYUMMMM y'all some thieving Azzzez! LOL!

AnonNupe - u r funnee azz HECK w/ that "shout out" to to bertie backus! LOL!

But, for real - i want to see the follow up to this clip where she beats his PUNK AZZZ!! tha's probably on the parking lot surveillance tape. LOL!

KIKI said...

(GASP)JUST!!!!! Shame on you! LOL

And Cap...you took the words right outta my mouth! We gon have to start a blogger's graveyard wit all these skeleton's fallin out LMAO...AND YA'LL WAS SOME YOUNG AZZ THIEVES...SHAME ON ALL YA'LL! lol

JustMeWriting said...

LOL... you guys crack me the heck up.

I can't believe Miz tried to steal a WHOLE TENT...LOL... that's too funny.

THANKS FOR SHARING PEEPS... NOW I DON'T FEEL SO BAD.

Oh, come on Cap and Kiki, you guys ain't never walk out a store with an Essence mag or SOMETHING...lol (yeah, I did that too)

Sheletha: I was the teachers pet that's why i got to hang those coats up...hahahah

GurlNexxDoor said...

I think I was five when I stole my sisters cough candy. I wasn't caught in the act, but the were found under my Pillow. My middle sister took up for me though, she told my momma that she seen my brother take them and set me up by putting them under MY pillow.

Thank God for sisterhood. Lol.

They didn't know a thing about it until a few years back.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

I told people school is train us and not to make us independent like u can stat a coat hanging up business - lol

Consistently Inconsistent... said...

So despite the obvious moral content in this story the only thing I got out of it was..

As I stood on the tips of my toes to reach the hook, visions of ‘sugar-plums’ danced in my head…well it wasn’t really “sugar-plums,” but the sweet taste of all that thick cream (PLEASE GET YA MINDS OUT THE GUTTER…THIS IS NOT A PORN SITE) LOL…NASTY’S!

sheer laughter.

Trenting said...

Umm.. let's just say.. there were handcuffs involved, but it wasn't me... it was Ray Ray and them... lol..

KIKI said...

Ummmmm...ya'll do know that ALL this could be used against you in a court of law, right!?!?...just got ya'll up in here confessin all kind of ish LMAO!

With that being said...in answer to your question just...you know yo girl does everything big & I ain't quite ready for the man to take me down, so I pleads the fifth. Cause if I go down...WE ALL GO DOWN! I'll snitch in a minute...j/k...maybe...LOL

FERGIE said...

No he didn't go in that ladies purse and steal her money. THEIFING ASS!!!

As for me my childhood is such a blur but I vaguely remember stealing something and my momma makin me take it back and apologize. Not to mention the butt whipping she put on me. That was the end of my theifing days.

Ticia said...

LOL--this is too funny!! Really, it is---


Naw, never been caught stealing....

I only stole once.... and I totally regret it.. I was 10-12 and it was a pair of cheap earrings....

I AM SORRY!!!

KIKI said...

...mmmhhhmmmm...

soj-collectibal coins
miz-tent
gurlnexxdoor-cough candy
ticia-earrings

Boy...ya'll better act right...can we say "Blackmail"? LOL!

Rose said...

this was so funny to me.. love the way you told this story. I took some quarters out of my moms' purse when I was little. I remember her being very angry but I can't remember what she did about it. She stopped me though from taking other peoples' things really early.

mark said...

Hello my friend. I hope all is going well and I absolutely love the new look of your blog.

JustMeWriting said...

HAHAHAH...Kiki, I was thinking the SAME thing...I should do an America's most wanted list...hahaha, but I still say Miz taking that tent took the cake...hahah

Mark: HEY DUDE... I know you've been crazy busy, but we'll have to catch up.

malieta said...

I was caught stealing at an early age also, I got the worse whipping for it. However, the shame alone was worse than any whippping! I'm glad that I was caught though because there is nothing worse than a thief!
Malieta
I wonder if that video was for real?

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

Ah they short lived days of light fingering merchandise. Did it! Got away with it. Felt too nervous and too guilty to do it again. Funny part is, I don't remember the toys in question. I do remember being at that same store during an armed robbery. So they not only had enough troubles without me, it wasn't the place to be anymore. A shotgun looks HUGE from the wrong end when you are seven, even from a distance.

A whole damn tent? Miz, you don't dream small do you?

Hell that is small taters. I know of some dudes who jacked movie theater screens!

JustMeWriting said...

WHAT??? "MOVIE THEATER SCREENS"....WHYYYYY? WOW, people will steal anything...hahaha.