Thursday, May 10, 2007

Dating Me... #1

Dating has become, well, obsolete and not because it should be...just because people don't seem to care about that stage of dealing. Everybody just seems to move right past it into's cool to 'keep it real' Well I don't care if a man does ONLY want sex from me...HE'S GONE DATE ME DARNNIT!!! That's all I want is a nice DATE...HELLO...IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK... ('boys are stupid, lets throw rocks at em'...Lo). Anyway, I just love that part of knowing a person...that's when things are USUALLY at their best...UNLESSS you're me.

I've had some of the WORST first dates, I'll share a, no...just a few.

1995: I'm about 19 years old (dang...I don told me age), oh well. I met this dude in a local bar somewhere (I wasn't a fast girl THEN, but I used to hang out with my girlfriend up north and we'd walk around to some spots) anyway, we have a good enough convo to exchange numbers and be on our way to bliss, so I thought. I'm about 5'9" and I pretty much only date men over six feet...and this dude was about 6'4"...nice, he was a lil light for my taste, but oh well (can't have everything). We decide to go to the movies...I'll never forget we saw that HORRIBLE "The Mangler" by Stephen King (his WORSE movie to date). Now, since I loved going on dates, I got a lil spruced up...if I'd say so myself. I'm still a tomboy so I didn't come out all divalicious, but I was darn cute with my jeans and heels on and just a lil gloss (shut up dc). I come out get in the car and didn't see that this NUT was wearing a pair of 'swish-swish' sweat pants with a large portion of the 'swish' TEARING OFF until we were in the light of the consession line, which was crowded as heck. But hold on to your tickets, boys and girls, things are about to take off!!! We get to the front of the line and he asks me, "Do you want popcorn OR juice?", hum...what a delima...what's a girl to do, so I did the sweet thing and said..."popcorn or know what I'm fine...I don't want anything...thanks." (except to get the hell away from you. Of course he THOUGHT we had a great time and couldn't wait to do it again...I hope he's not still waiting.

2006: This was when I dipped into the online thing...hit it off with this guy and made a date. It was during the summer and he was from Jersey and I'd say a lil conservative. I'm in my house getting ready and he calls to tell me he's outside (I'm usually late for everything, so I wasn't quit ready). A couple of minutes go by and I come down stairs to see EVERY POLICE OFFICER IN THE CITY OF PHILADELPHIA ON MY PORCH...'excus-a-to-me'...WHAT THE FRIG IS GOING ON??? So, I go back to get my phone and call him, which he doesn't answer the phone...ok, I know what you guys are thinking, but wrong it wasn't him that the cops were after, instead it was a criminal of some sort who'd ran onto my street and was suspected to have hid himself in or along someone's property, so they were checking several houses including and around mine. I was soooooo embarrased you wouldn't believe it...LOL. I must have called him about two more times before he finally answered with the most puzzled and distrubed voice I've ever heard..."y-e-a-h?" I'm, oh my goodness it's cops outside..."I-know...they're all on your step" I'm like...they're not here for me...something must have happened, but I'm coming out now, so don't leave...HAHAHAHAH! He didn't leave and we ended up having a really nice date, but that was terrible.

Ok...can you guys share a bad date story to make me feel better... PLEASE (you'd betta make one up then)


Nic said...

1st Yea!!!!

Well I don't have to make one up. This happened in 2001. I met this guy on the way to class. One of those quick, "lemme’ give you my number!" exchanges. I grabbed his number and went to class. I called him a couple of days later, and we really hit it off on the phone. After about a week ok talking I gave in and agreed to go out on a date with him. Why oh why did I do that. JMW, girl it was summertime. I'll never forget it. Neither of us had cars so I told him I would meet him in Rittenhouse Square (the park...remember that movie theater on 19t and chestnut?). Well, didn't he show up an hour late? The only reason I waited was because he kept calling my cell phone with apologies. But wait it gets better. He comes up to me in 90' degree weather wearing these faded black jeans, some dicked sneakers, and a navy blue sweater vest (w/ no shirt under it), that had white trim around the arm-holes and the waist. Cornrows that were all fuzzy and the piaz de resistance … about 3 days worth of deodorant hanging onto his underarm hair for dear life.
We ended up seeing Shrek. I had to leaave about a 3rd of the way through for unspecified reasons.
Call me whateva’, I can take it.


Nic said...

p.s. If that doesn't make you feel better, I dont know what will.


JustMeWriting said...


deepnthought said...

I have a couple, but I think this one will make you feel a tad better.
It was the summer fall 96 and I was running late for class. I am looking quite snazzy if I may say myself. I met this guy, about 6'4 with an accent that had me mesmerized. We decide to go on the first date. we said movies and dinner. when he gets to my dorm, he says, lets go to walmart first. Get to walmart and he is shopping really heavy. there is a wendy's inside walmart, he says lets eat there. he orders a value burger and fries with a giggie drink. asks for an extra cup. sits down and says lets split this. then when he finished, looks at me and says, dont you have friday on vhs. lets go home and watch it. uhmmm no thanks, I just remembered coach has us on curfew. lol.

deepnthought said...

the fall

Honey-Libra said...

Not the swishy pants WOW...

Aight so I meet this dude at this club in DC..we exchange numbers I'm short he's a lil taller I mean I can't be picky and he had locs so I'm like aight LOL..we go to dinner..he's late..finally arrives and asks me why I didn't order without him (I have manners, sorry) he proceeds to wonder if they have remy red and some other stuff then decides on henny...spends 10 min tryin to decide if he wants steak or what..the bill comes he says Oh I should have told them to split it (are you serious..glad my parents taught me to carry my own pay for the meal..go to the movies (i should have left) we get up to the counter..he takes too long when the counter person asks if he's getting two tickets I would have left if he made me pay LOL...he proceeds to spend 5 min talking LOUD about how the tickets cost $19..umm have you not been to the top of that when we got in the movie he wanted to hug all up on me...he didnt ever ask if i wanted popcorn..needlesstosay that was our first and last date LOL

Ladynay said...

How you just gon' tell me to make something up??? LOL

I am glad dude didn't freak out and roll out. I may have if I was dude! HA!

JustMeWriting said...

deepnthought: YOU'RE A HECK OF A STORY TELLER (thanks for making that up)CAUSE I KNOW it's GOT to be a tale...that almost made me lose my job...LOL, tears actually left my eye-sockets...THANK YOU FOR CARING ENOUGH TO SHARE YOUR VERY BEST....LOL.

honey-libra: AGAIN, truely amazing...dude, if you don't have money to pay...don't ask for a date ...seriously. WOW... it's a wonder why we still love them (men) so.

ladynay: LOL, I actually didn't expect to get the quality stories I got, so I'd hope folks would pitty this ol gal, but these ladies went all out...LOL.

I thank you all for coming and sharing.

Anonymous said...

Very vibrant

I have had some experiences that ended in a stalker...but

jameil1922 said...

i went on maybe 2 dates with this guy. he was cool enough. BUT his boy slipped up and told me about his child (while he wasn't around)which HE had never told me about. STRIKE ONE. have a kid? be proud abt it. don't leave it out. so when my girl slyly called him on it, he admitted. STRIKE TWO. why did it take all that? THEN maybe a week or 2 after this, his baby mama calls me (3) OOH NO SHE DIDN'T!! she's really calm and says, we're tryin to get back together (4) and runs down all our dates (5) and everything that ever happened (6) then gets off the phone. i don't even call him, he calls me about 2 weeks later (7) and i'm like are you out of your mind!!???! don't ever call me again! he's like she's lyin. i don't want her. i say how'd she get my number? she probably got it from my phone (7). he's like she's tryin to come b/t us and i see its workin (8). ya damn right crazy! wow... drama! yeah... i said don't ever call me again, deleted his number and that was that!

on your story... lmao@ the cops in the bushes!!! hilarious.

dc_speaks said...

i really don't like this post topic and um...the quote that you used is not funnnnnnnny!!!

you shall get nothing but "crickets" from me on this friend..pffffft

JustMeWriting said...


Jameil1922: see, that's a major violation having ya girl calling me...that's crazy.

dc: LOL... you acting like one of those dates was you...LOL. talken bout you't like it...HUM!!!! LOL.

Opinionated Diva said...

This is the bad date that never happened...

I was supposed to meet this guy for dinner on a Saturday night. Guy calls me that morning, but I was already out and about doing stuff so I missed the call(s). When I got back...hmmm...maybe an hour answering machine was completely filled - all 20 messages were from the guy.'s me (like he so in he don't even have to leave a name) just calling to confirm for tonight

J...damn...ok, you not me.

J...damn J...I'm getting me as soon as you get this.

Yo J...aiight...if you aint wanna get together your stank ass coulda just said so

The messages just got progressively worse and nasssssty. How he only wanted to fuck me anyway...I'm a bitch...blah blah blah.

I calmly called him back and told him to never call me again...that I knew where he lived, where he hangs out and most importantly where he works...and if he didn't wanna get arrested as his job for harrassment he better lose this number.

Never heard from him again.

Opinionated Diva said...

arrested AT his job

CapCity said...

Those were some FUNNY Azzz Stories! My sister & I were laughin' about this one the other day:

I met an ok seeming brother at a work-out party - which was a cool concept, I thought (friend had rented out a Health club). So, the brother was in regular work out gear, most of us had clearly bought new matching suits for the event:-). We decided to keep our first date easy, breezy. I called & asked what he was wearing just to get an idea. "Khakis, a polo shirt and sneakers." In my head that's cool & casual summer gear. We agreed to meet at a Bar/Restaurant in the heart of DC: State of the Union, which at the TIME was primarily frequented by a white crowd. Cool!
He meets me out front and I try not to stare at his: dickies (blue work pants, which technically are khaki material i think), MUSCLE tee shirt (was it polo BRAND? I don't recall that style considered "polo") and his sneakers were BKs - did they still EVEN SELL those!?! I breathed and figured one dinner/several drinks won't hurt, don't just about face & walk away...that would be rude, wouldn't it? We walk in and Lo & Behold it CAN get worse - HOW could it be that THIS very night EVERY Beautiful Black person in DC decides that State of The Union is the HIP place to be? Of course, I saw a brother I knew & I wanted to shrink down to half an inch...I may as well have blacked out for the little bit I recall of the date thereafter. I do remember that even my mother said I should've told him I had an emergency & left when I described his gear to her! LOL!

Ahhh, Bad Dates the stuff that comedy is made of!

Shai said...

OK, I have been on dates rarely lately. I will share a story of a date that never happened.

I met this guy on my way to work. He was in his car, me on my way to the busstop. I was in a hurry so I give him my cell. Dude calls me later that evening from a PAY PHONE. Said he is in between places and has no cell. Yeah right.

Anyway, the second call in less than a week, he calls again from a pay phone saying let's meet at a neutral place like a park. NOT! Him sounding all gentlemanly, considerate, he thought. SMH. I was no I am not able to. So strange vibes are really popping.

Last call within a two week period, he is calling from his Sister's home. We had like a 2 hour convo, throughout he was antsy saying he is not a phone person, let's meet up mind you it is dark out and he volunteers to come get me.

Long story short, I told him in the last call from our convo we are not compatible, he was rushing me and that I was not comfortable. He got mad thinking I was controlling and giving up to soon. I said let's be adult and not waste each other's time. LOL.

Seriously, I did two things, name searched for him and where he lived. Then I search Michigan's criminal offender list. This MF was just on parole for Aggravated Stalking. I almost fell out my chair at work. Thank God he never called me back or knew where I lived.

That was about 3 years ago, so my nosy Inspector Gadget azz looks him up on the offender list and he has been convicted of Domestic Violence.

That God for the date that never happened. LOL. Funny now not then. It was downright scary.

Opinionated Diva said...

Wow Shai...scarey indeed.

All the calling from the payphone had me thinking he was either married or living with someone, but sheesh...convicted of domestic violence and on parole for aggravated stalking...damn aren't you glad you were nosey enough to check up on his ass?

Sugar said...

Oh Lord, I could tell so many, but I'll go back to 1996 myself, and it was actually a double-date, so I can't take all of the responsibility for this bad decision.

But, one of my girls had met this guy (during our thug and she said he had a friend and he wanted her to bring me. I agreed to go and we got all dolled up and ready to get a free meal. Like idiots, we let them pick us up. So, they pull up in this Trans Am, Camaro, something like that and we head to Waffle House because his friend, who turned out to be a dusty trailer park white boy might I add, wanted the pork chop and scattered, covered, chunked hashbrowns. You'd have to be from the South to get that part about the hashbrowns, so maybe I should have kept that to myself, but, whatever.

So, we get to the Waffle House and they are being some real jerks. Leering lustily at us and telling us things like, "Oh yeah, it's gonna be a goood night." I whispered to my girl that we shouldn't order any food because I wasn't sucking anybody's penis for a hot waffle and some hashbrowns and I can promise you, it would have come to that. So, we didn't order any food and my girl's date was looking pissed because he knew that I was hip to their game.

So, we get back in the car and white boy is eating that pork chop like a country slave. I'm talking smacking, sucking, crumbs flying all over, greasy mouth and hands, when they pull into a flea bag motel....oh my damn!

My friend's date says, "Ya'll gonna stay with us tonight. We ain't driving all the way back to that campus." I just about peed my pants. She says, "We really have to go back tonight," and he mumbles something about, "that ain't happenin" or something of that nature and gets out of the car. My girl is all scrunched up against my side in the car, pinching me talking about, "What are we going to do?" as they ate their food on the hood of the car.

They had started making vulgar comments about what they planned to do and it was at this moment that I figured I was going to find out what it's like to be raped. I was soooo mad with my girl! I was mean-mugging her like you wouldn't believe, but I was so scared I tried to keep my head clear so that I could talk him into taking us back.

A cat was walking by the car when white boy grabs it by the tail and swings it around and around and tosses it like a shot-put. "Oh-my-gawd," I thought. They're going to rape us in all three holes and then kill us. The cat screeched and the sound made me regain my composure, so we damn near started begging them to take us back to the campus and told them that we would get with them the next night, but that night wasn't good for us (to get raped).

In between these pleas, I'm also begging God to get me out of this and I'll never go out with her on a double-date again in my life. He must have believed me because for some reason, my girl's "date" decided he would take us up on the offer to get with us the next night.

When we got back to that dorm!!! We cried and I cursed her out like I had never cursed anybody before. God looks out for fools and babies and we damn sure weren't no babies. Thank God for mercy!

mark said...

Very interesting post JMW. I sorry the cops rushed your place when you were getting ready to get your date on. That would be embarrassing. Anyway My friend Bronze Trinity has put together an afrosphere forum where us black folk can ideas on how to make things better. Anyway here is the link please check it out and register then share your ideas with us thank you my philly soul friend.

JustMeWriting said...

OMG...LOL...LOL, I LOVE YOU GUYS...HAHAHA! I love to laugh and these stories sent me into overdrive...hahahahah...THANK YOU COLLECTIVELY, and personally:

Op D: LOL, I can't believe that fool went there, but see what happens when you give them a minute...those true colors come right on out...amazing.

Cap: GIRL, that's like a major peeve to, call me shallow, but style is a huge factor to don't have to be glam, but pleasing to me good eye...LOL.

Shai: OMG, good for you girl...that instinct is something else and I'm glad you listened to it...that's just crazy, I thought he was married or something too, or was just a bum and was going to try to move in with you real quick...but that's crazy.

Sugar: I almost can't stand you as much as nic, I know I shouldn't have, but I almost died laughing at that story, but girl I could feel the fear in it...that was sooo crazy and scary, but I'm glad you made it out...(I'm still laughing)

THANK YOU GUYS FOR SHARING. I didn't plan to judge them, but I believe in giving credit where it's due soooooo (drumroll please) We have TWO winners for the worst dating experience:

Deepnthought: for the most re-gad-dang-dic-u-lous tale of unmanly foolishness I've ever heard. (clap, clap, clap) THANK YOU!

Sugar: because I never laughed so much at something so scary and real.

You guys don't get a prize, but like Cap said...this is the stuff comedy is made you've been rewarded with rememberence's

JustMeWriting said...

hey Mark, LOL...yeah...that was terrible and I'll be over to check things out for sure.

Opinionated Diva said...

Wow @ Sugar...I think she wins too.

lmao@not ordering food to avoid slobbing the knob.

Shai said...

Oh my goodness Sugar, I just read your post. LOL.

I had a blind double date. My girl was seeing this guy. Mind you he was a drug dealer, we were like 21, 22. And they were a couple of years older. I am not into thuggish folks and told her so when she said he dude's boy wanted to talk to one of her friends she calls me. He and I talk a few times then his boy decides to take us riding and the Belle Isle, a popular island park in Detroit across from Canada.

To make a long story short, I got in an argument with the dude cause he was smoking weed and then a cigarrette. I don't like smoke he said Ok. But minutes later the feen in him could not take it. I walked away so he could finish and he got made. My girl fussed at him, her dude fussed at her and I fussed at his boy and him. We ALL were going at it.

We ended the night with everyone on their side of the car hugging the doors, it was so quiet all you heard was the wind blowing through the windows till we got home. LOL.

JustMeWriting said...

LOL...oh my goodness shai, that's the worse having to sit thought until you get home. Um, I'm tryna think of any blind double dates I've had....OOOOHHHH. I could one:

This one was a double and blind date for me...and one that almost makes my cry...again, it included my biggest date peeve STYLE or the lack of.

It was this girl I hung out with...she was married and her HUSBAND decided that he wanted me to date one of his friends. Now, I'm going to say something that is going to sound or appear mean, but please know my heart...LOL. I believe that birds of a feather do flock together, but I'm a friend to MANY with that being said...this friend of mine didn't share the same or taste as myself (and trust me, I'm no diva...I told you I'ma tomboy), anyway with these difference's being so ever present, I should have KNOWN what I was in for...well the guy comes...he probably wouldn't have been bad looking if I could stand to look at him (oh, he didn't smell really nice either)He was unfashionable clad in some fitted ashy-black LEE jeans and some shell-topped K-Swiss or something other then Adidas and to top (literally) all that off, he had a part in his head the width of broad street...I was like...well HELLO-GOODBY...LOL, naw I didn't leave, but I wanted to cry..and oh the smellyness from BOTH MEN. Lesson learned only trust hookup from those that KNOW or SHARE your taste.

Shai said...

LOL. I feel ya. Over the years, I have had friends who really know me hook me up with some doosies. SMH. Like here let's take Shai and my lonely friend, they both single and hook them up. I have had like 5 blind dates in my life and I don't do them anymore. YUCK!

My bestfriend who is a male hooked me up with his crazy friend. We talked on the phone then agreed to meet at the movies. This negro did not have enough money to get in the movies. My silly butt paid for it. Then during the movie he talked all loud. It was the movie Lovejones. At the part where he breaks it off, homeboy got loud and I did back. Men said yeah when he said something then women said yeah when I did. They laughed at us. LOL> Later he goes back and tells my boy that I paid for his admission and that I was into him but I was too ugly for him to be into me. This negro looked like the missing links nephew. LOL. We agrued after the movie. We argued on the phone until I was too through with him. Then to top it off my boy acts like it is my fault I went out with him. Negro YOU hooked us up. To this day he won't claim that he messed up with the hook up.

deepnthought said...

@sugar- that was good and scary. I am so glad you got out of that safely. but girl, why was I like, oh no not the waffle house. run girl. run.

Sugar reminded me of another story that I had posted. I cant write it all right here.

Sugar said...

"I'd like to thank my mother and my father...sister and brother." lol You know, God has kept me safe through so many ridiculous situations. I used to always tell my friend who I was with that night, who used to seem to attract the worse thugs around, that her guardian angel was probably too disgusted with her for always keeping him so daggone busy! But, I guess mine was probably disgusted with me, for following her into those bad situations, and thus making him work double duty too! lolol

I'm sure we all have been saved from some horrible things that we might not have even realized just how bad they were at the time right???!!! Geesh!

Oh, and Justmewriting, your girl is wrong for hooking you up with Funk Master Flex. Lol

JustMeWriting said...

shai: lol...yeah, the blind thing is crazy, but I actually don't mind it as long as I trust the sorce...I actually enjoy the fact that I get a lil heads up into what the person is like, so I'll do a blind date anytime.

deepnthought: girl, I don't think I can take another story from EITHER of you guys...I'll be fired for sure, but I'm going to check it out anyway...LOL.

dc_speaks said...

dang girl...u got it going on over here...allllright now

JustMeWriting said...

shai: I meant address that fact that that dude were too unattractive for him to deal...I'D LIKE TO SLAP HIM.

Sugar: LOL. (on the speach). I know that's right too girl, because I KNOW God has surely keep me when I couldn't keep myself.

CapCity said...

Whew - Glad Shai & Sugar are safe - those tales were scary!

yea, JMW - I may not be the flyest chick in town - but can we just have BASIC good stylin'? Ooohh, don't smell bad..I can't handle that AT ALL! All's I need is a "matching set" of luggage cuz we all got baggage! LOL!

deepnthought said...

lmto, at the double date, JMW.

So, now you are officially put on my RWIIH List. Read with inhaler in hand. cause these stories took my breathe away.

JustMeWriting said...

Cap: YES... I'm serious...just PLEASE have some appeal, because I'm going to TRY to make sure I'm at least easy on the dude, you can do the same.

deepnthought: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR THAT STORY ON YOUR PAGE...LOL,'d have won TWO times with that one...hahahah! Yall gotta check that out...crazy and TOO funny...poor baby. lol.

deepnthought said...

girl, I will never let that cousin hook me up ever again. lol

Sheletha said...


JustMeWriting said..., you'd betta not.
sheletha: WASN'T THEY... you can give us your's next time...LOL (even if you make one up)

Mega Rich said...

I thoroughly enjoyed myself tonight, those were funny. I was laughing all loud.

JustMeWriting said...

rich: I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I did...see the stuff we women have to take from you