Thursday, August 9, 2007

Wise Counsel #2

Here we go again guys and since nic didn't like the owl, I don't have a pic...(you happy now...sheesh) . Sorry this one might be a bit long, but I hope it's a blessing.


Situation:

I have this friend that I’m REALLY feeling and I think he’s feeling me too, but doesn’t speak on it much. We’ve tried to deal with each other intimately, but things just kinda died down for no real reason other then we didn’t try hard enough, I guess. All in all, I can’t help feel there’s something really special between us; I smile inside every time I talk to him. I know it’s not love, but it’s something really special and I’d really like to see where things can go, but I don’t want to bring it up again. I made my feelings known before, but never really said anything too serious; I didn’t want to scare him away since we’re friends and all, so I feel like I should let him bring it up again. What do you think?

Anon

F.O.:
Ahhh the LOC (lack of communication) Merry-Go-Round. Who hasn't taken a turn or thousand on that particular beast?
I've seen too many situations where both parties want the same thing, but neither is willing to let the other know. Either there is a lack of ability to express themselves (which is something that can plague any relationship) or there is a fear of some sort of rejection. Let's deal with each.

Inability: This situation can be overcome if the person who doesn't have a problem expressing themselves has the ability to accurately read the signs that are definitely there, the patience to let the other person do the best they can in their own way, the confidence to not need to hear everything verbally or have it spelled out for them and the willingness to allow the other person to be who they are and appreciate what's on the inside. If neither of you are this person, it's going to be tough.

Fear (of rejection): This one had paralyzed many a relationship and many an individual. There are any variety of reasons why this exists that aren't important to go into here, just know that it exists. No one likes to be rejected. No one wants to have their face cracked and it has happened at one time or the other in one way or the other to either of us. For this reason, no one seems to want to make the first move. This is particularly tragic if both want the same thing and are waiting for the other.

Here's the thing. From what you are saying, it sounds as if it could be just you feeling this way. When you speak of the fact that you took a run and it didn't quite work out, that you brought it up before and he didn't really respond favorably and that you "don't want to scare him away," it sounds like a one sided thing. Your side.

You've got two choices: 1) Leave it at friends and potentially preserve your feelings, assuming he is not feeling you. 2) Put it all on the table (gently) and ask him how he feels. If he agrees, take off on the beginnings of a possibly great relationship. If he gives "I'm sorry Boo" signals, maintain your grace and do what you can to maintain the friendship. But don't take it to hard, because you never know what another person has in their present or past. Take it that God is lookin' out for you and keep it movin'.

Personally, I vote option 2. Life is to short for coulda, shoulda, woulda's.

S.O.:
That’s a big deal. I take matters of the heart really seriously, and I believe order is divine, so here is the order of my opinion.
1)Please make sure you've weighed out every thing about this man and the two of you as a couple. It would be terrible to buckle into this ride then find yourself screaming in mid-air to get off.
2)Once you’ve decided that you know that you KNOW you want every bit of this man and you guys are a good fit,speak! Make sure you both have time to talk because you shouldn’t have this conversation again.
3)Clearly and directly tell him how you feel about him and ASK THE QUESTION; How do you feel about me and us pursuing a relationship?
4)Please avoid getting emotional; you don’t want to guilt him into his decision and since there’s a preexisting friendship to preserve, you want to keep him comfortable with the conversation.
5)When it’s over, IT’S OVER! I’ve never been one for persistence in things like this. Once he’s spoken his mind go from there…good or bad.
6)Be honest with yourself; if his response is not favorable and it’s hard for you emotionally then give yourself a break from him for a while. Give yourself time to heal. I didn’t mention this in the beginning, but it’s something I’d be doing throughout the situation; PRAY! Pray for God’s will to be done and not yours, pray for Divine intervention…pray for clarity and then pray for peace.

P.S. SOJOURNER AND MIZ HAVE A SPECIAL EDITION OF THEIR SOAP TODAY...SO CHECK IT OUT!!!

12 comments:

Anointed1ne said...

Yea, I'm first.. sweet.

I think you and him should sit down and discuss each others feelings. If you say nothing, you might miss out on something special like you said.

Ticia said...

Good advice-- I say but pride to the side, be honest and let it ride!

Nic said...

YES! I AM HAPPY!

JustMeWriting said...

anointed: hey dude...I forgot you were on vaca when I introduced this series, but these situations aren't about me...they're submitted by others and Sojourner and Myself attempt to provide some solid advise for the people, but I think you're right in your opinion.

ticia: LOL... I like that rhyme and it's the TRUTH...life's too short for guessing games.

nic: see what I do for you...lol.

Tasha said...

I love the advice days!! But seriously, the advice is really on point. There is no need to keep the feelings all bottled up. The best thing is to be completely honest and discuss their feelings as you stated. It could be the beginning of something beautiful.

JustMeWriting said...

tasha: yes...girl, a closed mouth will never be fed.

correction of my above comment...that should be "provide some solid advice" I'm trying to work on my typo's...LOL.

Ms. Behaving said...

Excellent guys…that was EXCELLENT advice!!
[Move ova Dr. Phill -- There’s a new duo in town] :-)

BTW, Nic was right...I wasn't feelin' that owl for real. Especially since I saw one very similar when I went to the zoo @ bear mountain a few weeks back.

Opinionated Diva said...

I agree with the above comments and all of the advice. Life is definitely too short to live in a world of shoulda coulda woulda!!!

I forgot to send in my crazy scenario, so here's one!!! hehehe

Ummmm...so yeah like...me and my man broke up...like a minute ago. He SAID he has moved on...and stuff...like he has a new girl too ya know?! But ummm...yeah... he is refusing to give back the sex tape. Short of calling my peoples...Rayray, Pookie 'nem. How should I go about getting it back?

Signed,
Anonymous

Sojourner G said...

@OD-You need a whoopin! ROFL. Is this gonna be a regular thing with you? LOL!

KIKI said...

It's like momma always said...a closed mouth don't get fed...you never know unless you ask!

Mizrepresent said...

Agree with all of the above, bring it out in the open, let him/her know the deal, now understand that the friendship may suffer a little, because if he/her aren't feeling the other the same, someone will be hurt, but they will heal, over time.

JustMeWriting said...

op.d: LOL...GIRL, YOU'D BETTA STOP. Thanks guys for that additional advice.