Thursday, July 5, 2007

...But what if I don't like my child!

-what if after all my hard work they've grown unappreciative and selfish?
-what if after all my teachings and training they've come to think they know more or better then me?
-what if they've got this air about them that I can't seem to stand?
-what if they're sneaky or lazy or liars?
-what if in all their good they just seem to annoy me?
What if my child has turned into a young person i just don't do I love?

Wow, that's some serious business! There are billions of people in the world with an equal amount of character combinations most of which may turn a stomache, rub a wrong way, or just make you leave them alone; our children are no different. There amongst those same numbers. They develope their own views and ways of thinking; in their pre-teens you noticed they didn't like what you liked and a "strange" personality surfaced.

Raising children is a piece of cake, but raising young adults is liver & onions. I have entered a full course liver, onion and lima beans buffet and I HATE lima-beans.
This post was triggered by a lil personality "glitch" exhibited by my oldest son and It made me think about all the things parents have to endure when their babies start to grow up... the attitudes that need adjusting, the displaced and misplaced dispositions. What is a human (naturally flawed being) to do? Here's what i've come up with...just some things to think about.

-Identify the specific behaviors.
-Explain the affect they have on you.
-Where did these ways come from; maybe they got your temper instead of your eyes!
-Is there something you could have done to steer them in a different direction?

After giving serious thought to the above, it becomes necessary to seperate "you" the person from "you" the parent, in order to maintain your sanity while carring out God's mission in allowing you to bring forth these fruit.


anonymousnupe said...

Explain the effect they have on you?! That's just crazy marriage counselor psycho babble. It’s your child, not your spouse! I have to refer you back to the knife-hand to the throat technique discussed in an earlier entry, my love.

But seriously, I feel you. My 14-year-old, soon-to-be-15-year-old daughter is now slightly taller than her mother and tests our resolve on a semi-regular basis now. It’s very obvious that she’s been testing her ever-expanding boundaries ever since we granted her her own un-monitored (or so she thinks) e-mail account and gave her the code to un-lock blocked cable shows. But about once a month I (daddy being the more severe disciplinarian) have to get in her face and remind her that we refuse to accept in our home any of the wayward behavior she may pick up from her friends/acquaintances/teammates up at that crazy school. I realize it’s more difficult in your situation, but I don’t think they’re ever too old to be physically reminded of their place in God’s master scheme. (Start with, “You know, in the Old Testament they stoned kids just for lookin’ at their parents the wrong way! Boy, you betta FIIIIINNNDDDD OUT!”)

On another note, what a tragedy, the lady/mother in MI who basically blew her own head off right in front of her child and fiancé while lighting illegal, commercial-grade fireworks yesterday, huh? I feel terrible for her and the folks who witnessed it, but it's just another example of a parent modeling bad behavior for a child. This time, though, with awful and immediate consequences.

Opinionated Diva said...

"Raising children is a piece of cake, but raising young adults is liver & onions."

Now THAT statement definitely stood out for me. As you know, I don't have any rugrats, but we were all kids. I remember how it was going into adolescence and thinking I know MORE than my mom...hell I felt I knew EVERYTHING! lol Has to make it hard for any parent.

Your ahead of the game though miss missy, so I have no doubt that you and your boys will be fine!

Opinionated Diva said...

Woah @ Nupe...I hadn't heard about that incident. Ugh...I have such a bad visual in my mind now!

feels good b n FREE said...

my kids are still young
but i am always wondering are they gonna be good people...
appreciativ,respectful, honest, clean and sober.
i mean i pray, i haope for good relationships with them...
but sometimes i wonder.

raising people is o small task,people do it everyday...but it doesn't take away from just how heavy of a load it can be.

so i'll just pray, and teach them and believe for the best...

Tasha said...

I'm intrigued by this post. I don't have kids yet, but am getting started planning a family and I'm so worried about having a teenager who thinks they know better than me. I was a mess around age 15-16, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to have hell to pay. The best thing it seems is to pray about it

JustMeWriting said...

nupe: LOL. " Explain the effect they have on you?! That's just crazy marriage counselor psycho babble. It’s your child, not your spouse!" You're so right, but they're still PEOPLE we have to live with...they can get on our nerves just the same as a spouse. I didn't say bow down to them, but this is for the parents to cope with raising them. You know I'm a firm believer in NOT spearing the rod, but even that may affect some parents. So you have to think about how you feel about their ways and why. Is it YOU or THEM... relationships are relationships to me.

I think that's why so many young people don't like adults because we always disregard and disrespect them. Please KNOW I'm not one of those parents that allow them to say whatever they want...i'm still ole school, but with new-age flair.

op.d: why thank you lady...and I actually don't mind liver, but I figured that'd be a food of dislike to most people. Yes, remember how challenging we could be, so imagine what our parents went through mentally...they're still human. We aspire to love unconditionally, but the flaws in us sometimes get in the way.

f.g.b.f: hey lady...ENJOY them and teach them NOW... this is the fun time, well I think it's all a wonderful time, but it just seems to get harder as the years go by.

WOW... on the fireworks story. I didn't hear about that either...that's so traggic. I really don't like all the fireworks and I'm glad my sons don't either.

Ms. Behaving said...

[SMH]—Gurl… are all up in my head this afternoon!!

This topic deserves a lil' one on one.

When you have a moment, please check ya email--I'd be interested in knowing ya thoughts.

Shai said...

Amen! I had a really deep issue with my kid earlier this year. It got ugly and I held my ground. Things are much better. I have experienced with my soon to be 17 year old some things on the list in your first paragraph. smh.

JustMeWriting said...

tasha: I must have missed you...but girl that's around the age things start, but PRAYER is surely the thing you'll NEED to do all the time.


shai: YES... and I'm so lucky to have boys, because I think things would be twice as hard with girls, but I'm glad things are better for you now.

Sugar said...

"Raising children is a piece of cake, but raising young adults is liver & onions."

TOO funny! I tell you, I don't care for teenagers. lol I know we were all teens once, but dag they are sickening!

tAnYeTTa said...

wow! i'm over here taking notes.

i have a 19 year old and a 2 year old. i love the liver and onions analogy :)

Nic said...

Moms never really liked me. She said I reminded her of pops. Oh well. Can't win them all right?

Very good post though - as usual ;)

Anonymous said...

Child rearing is an ongoing, never ending often thankless task. Sometimes I think it helps to think back to when we were crumbsnatchers. It 1)helps give us perspective, 2) reminds us of what could possibly motivate our children to do such things and 3)thank momma and daddy for not killing us.

Breathe, reflect, then do what needs to be done to raise them in the teaching and the admonition of the Lord.

JustMeWriting said...

sugar: hey, you don't like em huh, yeah girl they are something else, but we can get them right.

tanyetta: hey lady (thanks for the visit)WOW... with those ages, you've got a lot on your hands.

nic: wow...dag, lady but still you rise.

soj: I KNOW that's right.

MzCoko said...

hmm.. this post reminds me of my mom and my brother... My mama say she don't like my brother sometimes.. a lot actually.. cuz he selfish.. which is true.. he only cares about himself and how to get what he want.. but she made him that way.. spoiled him rotten.. and as for me.. she says she can take me in small doses.. cuz sometimes she says she feels like she's having an argument with herself.. and my mama don't lose arguments (neither do i)! lol.. I should tell her to read this post.. cuz the boy is a major mess sometimes

malieta said...

This is a tough but necessary subject. Just keep laying that good foundation down for your son and never stop talking. My oldest son didn't give me too many problems, he was easy. Now my 9yr.old son, I see some trouble up ahead. He is too much like his father and Lord knows where he got that mouth from:)

jameil1922 said...

oh my. thanks for that dose of birth control.

JustMeWriting said...

mzcoko: dag...that's a real shame. Parents don't really look at the damaging affects of spoiling their children...they'll want to STAY spoiled.

malieta: well that's the time to stop it...soon as we see it coming. I'm working on BOTH my boys now.

jameil: hahahah....NO, you'd betta gon and have some children...they're also the greatest joy.