Wednesday, August 1, 2007

H.M.H.A. Volumn #1

As part of the Knewness, I’m introducing a series of post that pretty much reflect my Half-Man side…lol. For those of you who’ve never heard me refer to myself as such, the name was given to me by friends and pretty much stems from my views (on certain things) that seem skewed toward a male perspective, AND since I’m an AND 1 fan and love to watch Half-Man, Half-Amazing, I’ve gladly accepted the name…with that out of the way…welcome to HMHA #1 Violence – Domestic and Non!

“snakes and snails and puppy dog’s tails, that’s what little boys are made of!”
“sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of!”
“Real Men Don’t Hit Women!”

Potential batterer’s of women are usually detected and/or assumed during adolescence; young boys are closely watched and scolded for displaying violent tendencies toward their female counterparts.

These testosterone filled beings are taught to be MEN; there is an image to uphold, that strong leader-head of the household-provider type of man; that “handle ya biz” – protector type of man…doing what you’ve got to do, but never hit a woman type of man, this is what little boys are made to be and what a wonderful thing.

He’s learning his lessons, vibe'n off the thoughts of manhood, when all of the sudden this little girl hits him…the children are laughing…”AHHHH…SHE HIT THE MESS OUTTA HIM!!!” His ear is ringing from their banter and the impact of her palm as she slapped him on the side of the face, before she ran. Infuriated, he charges after her, but is thwarted by the outraged looking teacher saying…”I KNOW you don’t think you’re about to hit her in FRONT of me…what’s wrong with you…boys don’t hit girls!”

Boy’s don’t hit girls, Boy’s don’t hit girls, Boy’s don’t hit girls-over and over…years and years; the message resonates into his mind, etched into his soul…his character is formed, his Kingly stature is a force by itself. His brain has been trained, but his heart may still hold resentment for those female counterparts who’ve always been allowed to get away with doing the one thing him and every male was punished and marred for. Maybe he’ll pay them back with heartache instead!? (hum).

Domestic Violence is a VERY serious issue:
An estimated 5.3 million cases of domestic violence occur among US women 18 and older each year, resulting in nearly 2 million injuries. On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the US every day and I’m sure we’ve all heard the correlation between domestic violence and child abuse, but there’s another side to this sad story, the side that is rarely told.

The story of the boy-guy-man, who heard the message, listened to the rules and kept his hands in his pockets, while he wondered…”how come they never told-taught-made the girls keep her hands to herself!” How come when I tried to leave she wouldn’t let me and kept throwing things at me…and dared me to raise a hand, or I’d be in jail. How come she disrespects and calls me names…just pushing ALL my buttons. How come when I left her alone she found my car and slashed my tires and bust my windows. How come she’s at my job causing a scene every chance she gets…how come nobody ever told her that a girl was to grow into a QUEEN and “Queens shouldn’t swing, if you know what I mean, but (she’s) about to take her earrings off and get her some Vaseline” – (I know this is a serious topic, but 10 points if you know where that line’s from).

As many of you know, I'm the mother of two sons and my youngest was in a situation described above...he was that school boy torn between, "my momma said, don't let NOBODY pick on you...she said I should defend myself, but the world says only a 'punk' hits a women, yet, only a 'punk' doesn't fight back" I continue to teach my boys the stance of a man-a King and that includes letting them know what a Queen looks like.

The bottom line here people, which I’m sure you’ve known halfway through this post, is AGAIN we as apart of this great society have perpetuated another double-standard, I’m NOT saying that males should hit females, but we’ve GOT to stop teaching our girls wrong, or not teaching them anything at all. We got to set their conduct to give what they wish to receive; we've got to train our young ladies to be women of virtue, to be Queens!

28 comments:

DurtyMo said...

FIRSTTTTTTTTTTT!! Man fantastic post!! That line sounds like a Biggie line but I'm sure I'm way off.. *sigh* I think every thing you said is poignant *sp*. I'm glad that you're teaching your boys to recognize what a Queen looks like. Kudos to you for raising the next generation the right way!

Nic said...

Dang,

I was all commenting on your last post. I'm late on that, but early for this :)

Nic said...

Read them if you can puweeease!

Nic said...

JILL SCOTT! I WON! give me my money!

Wonderful post. Yeah the "rules" did leave your son in a f'ed up position. And yes women/girls need to stop baiting guys into physical confrontations.

Sheletha said...

WHO IS JILL SCOTT

JustMeWriting said...

durty: thank you lady, YEAH, I can't teach every young girl how to act, but I can tell my boys how to treat women and what to expect in return. Most of the women in my family are very strong...they're USUALLY the violent ones and most of the men are the ones being taken advantage of...the door swings both ways, but people usually just focus on men in situations like this.

nic: HAHAH....YEAH, I read it...I'm actually about to comment on it now, but WOW...that's a crazy story...and YESSSSS on the Jill Scott (but not fair since you from philly)

sheletha: hey mama...WHAT, you don't know who JILL SCOTT IS??? Ok, I have a Lyrically Affected post in the makings for tomorrow, but I might have to use a Jill Song just to give you a taste...LOL.

feels good b n FREE said...

i genuinely feel this.
i teach my boys not to hit their sister, but i teach her not to provoke them.

my problem is the batterers who abuse women because THEY don't feel like they measure up.
my ex-husband used to push me around...and it wasn't because i was loose lipped, disrespectful, or cheating.
i believe it was because he didn't like who he was and where he was in life. he resented me for being in school and being happy...

and that's just sad

Opinionated Diva said...

"we've got to train our young ladies to be women of virtue, to be Queens!"

The problem is that a lot of little girls are not being raised by Queens to begin with, so there is no example to follow.

And maybe our teachers (specifically the one in your example) could do a better job teaching those kids that hitting is wrong regardless of the sex...not because of it.

When I was in elementary school, boys and girls fighting was common. There was no..."oh she's a girl, don't hit her." I can remember quite a few fights between the sexes and nobody cared. I doubt this is the norm, but I don't think it's altogether uncommon either.

JustMeWriting said...

free: that's BEYOND SAD... he's a punk (excuse me for saying that), but he's not King material, and doesn't deserve a Queen, but just imagine the perfect world we'd have if all the boys were taught and LEARNED to conduct themselves Royally, and the girls were taught the same...what a wonderful world this would be.

I realize, like the rape post...people may think I'm defending, or advocating domestic or ANY kind of violence between the sexes, but I'm NOT, by ANY means.

I grew up in that household and REFUSE to live that way, but training is MANDATORY... our people are KILLING EACH OTHER... our men are breaking good women down and women are breaking good men down the ONLY thing I see in all of that is DOWN... we've GOT to find our way up.

When I do these post it's more of a plea to the other side...BALANCE and harmony is what I seek and I've seem the damaging effects of these double standards...I've seen what happens when a little girl isn't properly brought up and is now a women out to scorn, because no one showed her that crown on her head...that sparkle in her eyes...my soul cries a bloody tear everytime I see the hurt we cause each other...we've GOT to find our way up.

anonymousnupe said...

Well, you know, biblically there's a time for everything, right? So, maybe the lesson we ought to be teaching our sons and nephews is that you can't take care of your family if you allow a female to maim or emasculate you. So, there might come a time where as a last resort you have to defend yourself (a swift, sharp kick to the inside of her knee, or a palm strike to her upper cleft ought to do nicely) even against the fairer gender. Hey, I'm just sayin'! I had to clock a girl once or twice in the neighborhood back in the day. Shoot. This one was the biggest bully on the block! I wonder what old Rotunda is doing these days. Hmmmmm....

JustMeWriting said...

op.d: YES...and that's EXACTLY right...you have to be a QUEEN to raise one, but that's the vicious cycle we've got to get out of. We've got too many unfit parents raising children who become potential problems for the rest of the people to deal with.

And you know what, I can't say I remember things being all crazy like that back when I was in school either, but now...that's all I hear, and maybe it's because I have boys so I'm always hearing and seeing how wild the girls are.

nupe: LOL... (that's not funny) you're a MESS... but remember Chris Rock said..."I'll never hit a women, but I'd shake the S@#$ outta her."

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

Opinionated Diva said: "The problem is that a lot of little girls are not being raised by Queens to begin with, so there is no example to follow."

That statement is so true. +

Love love this post. My aunt use to tell us girls "if we are bad enough to hit a boy, we are bad enough to get hit back. So don't get mad and start crying when you get hit back."

Ticia said...

Great post again.....

Domestic abuse is horrible--- I wonder what goes through someones head while they are beating on someone---

Humans are valued anymore....

Opinionated Diva said...

I had a fight with a boy once. He broke my Easter basket and I started crying. I think I was about 8. He started making fun of me and poking me and I just went crazy. He got the crap beat outta him, so I was the one who got in 'trouble'.

I remember going to the principal's office, while the boy went to the nurse's office. I was a little runt at 8 and I remember the principal shaking his head like he couldn't believe I had beat that boy up like that. Also, he was shaking his head, but he was smiling like it was NOT a big deal. Even gave me HIS easter basket, so I was happy because now I had a BETTER easter basket.

When I got home and told my step dad about the fight (step dad was a black belt in karate and had taught me and my sis well), he was PROUD that I had beat the kid up.

I'm not sure how this affected me, but as I think back on it, I can fully agree (I didn't just really agree with you did I?) that there is in fact a double standard.

Had I been a boy, the principal would not have been too happy with me if I beat up a girl. Had I been a boy, step dad would not have been pleased with me either, since he was such an old fashioned dude.

OK...that was a long story. lol...I'm done!

Ms. Behaving said...

Terrific post lady :-)

I happen to think that [feels good b n free] said it best in saying:

Boys should be taught NOT to hit girls and girls should be taught NOT to provoke them to.

I know that the chances of it happening anytime soon are pretty slim to none but we as parents should also teach our children NOT to instigate this type of behavior (as often times, a child will react negatively to this situation based on being teased/taunted by other children for not doing something about it).

JustMeWriting said...

OK... (um, excuse me everybody...I need to holla at op.d in the corner for a minute) - {whispering} op.d YOU BETTA AGREE WITH ME SINCE YOU'RE ONE OF MY BEST BLOG BUDDIES - {i'm sorry you guys had to hear that}

Now,
southern: GIRL... YES, that's the same rule I grew up on, but it taught us to give what we want to get.

ticia: GIRL... ain't that the truth, human life is NOTHING to people nowdays...as we've seen with the M.V. case...people care more about animal abuse then people abuse.

ms.b: YOU AIN'T NEVER LIED THERE... that's another big deal...DON'T INSTIGATE... you're just as bad as the actually offender when you do that. YES, because kids will think just because they didn't do the deed but laughed they did nothing wrong...WRONG!

Honey-Libra said...

Once again "Lady Common" has done it again..made me think and wonder what I'll say to my son when some little girl hits him..slap her sike nah see I cant be serious LOL

But no really wonderful post and girls should be taught to keep her hands to themselves matter fact all children....Queens dont swing gotta love it

Ingrid said...

I get busy for a month and when I roll through you are all Shiny and new girl!!!!! Love the new format. It fits you.

I'm going to read and get all caught up but in the meantime roll through and check out this month Featured Writer post. There is a contest and a couple pretty cool prizes.

Mega Rich said...

Great post. My son is the youngest in the house at 5, his running buddies 9 and 10 year old sisters who like to try and punk him at times, so both me and momma be on their heads about that. It's a tough balance for a boy in a house of girls, cause I don't want him soft, but I don't want him to think he has to lay down when people push up on him. So, we try the even handed approach of teaching him not to hit his sisters - he's supposed to look out for them and protect them when he's older AND we tell the girls not to hit on him either, putting him in a fix like that. Some days it works, some days he clocks them upside the head with one of his toys.

Sheletha said...

I KNOW WHO JILL SCOTT IS!!!!!!

THAT WAS THE NAME OF THE ALBUM!!!

IT COULD HAVE BEEN READ LIKE THE ANSWERS ON JEPORADY.....

Mega Rich said...

OH, love the new look -- and come check out the latest edition of

chance encounters

Sojourner G said...

Shug, you went a little poetic in there (Son). I know you have it in you! LOL.

As usual, your statements stand on their own. I so much appreciate your balanced point of view. Right is right. It's not a matter of male or female, rich or poor, black or white. There is only one right. Only one truth.

Tom_Gurl said...

Back in the day me and my brother were ALWAYS fighting each other. The last time he was kicking my ass first and was dragging me along the floor by my hair...and when I saw the hair in his hand I went nuts and I kicked the crap outta him...we both got in trouble...and we never fought again (At least not that I remember)...My brother was the only boy in the house, and me and my sister used to tease him, cos he used to cry about wanting to be a girl...and he'd get all mad and stuff.

On a real though, I don't really think he sees himself as a King-and that's probably cos he was never taught to view himself as such, and the same can be said for me...Where am I going with this.....*shrugs* We were always told that if we ever got in a fight outside, and got our ass kicked...we'd get beaten on top of it! So if we ever had fights, we made sure to always come out on top...not royalty behaviour...so anyways...to conclude (have you notice I always seem to ramble on...?) I agree with Op D's comment about girls not being raised as Queens....it's a sad but very true statement...the same can be said for our boys. I don't think boys should hit girls or vice versa....girls know that boys 'shouldn't hit girls' and as they grow older, they use this to their advantage....again-rambling! Ok...I'm gonna go bed now! SMH @ myself!

As always-excellent post!

MzCoko said...

The original Jill Scott... the Jill Scott that I miss... why I always gotta come to the post when it's 23 comments in??? Cuz my attention span is short so i can't keep up with conversation lol... but I feel like this.. while I don't feel a man should hit a woman, a woman should never put herself in a position to be hit. So if you steady throwing shit, punching him, slapping him, in his face, provoking him... and he backhands that ass.... you deserved it. I grew up around a lot of men.. and women.... and that's just how I feel... I mean domestic violence is a serious issue BUT i think it's a difference between domestic violence and somebody just asking to get slapped.. not even because he meant to do it, but off of a reflex then that ain't domestic violence. I would never provoke a man until he commences to beat my ass... excuse my french but.. I have gotten into arguments with other women about this... but I have seen some crazy women in action....

JustMeWriting said...

honey: LOL, girl believe it or not...I'm not really serious either...I'm actually really silly, but life just be throwing some serious stuff in my head and NOW, I've got a place to get it out...LOL. nope...Iount want to hear it...y'all shouldn't got me started blogging...haha, I'm loving the lady common, thanks.

ingrid: hahah, you likes? and I'm going to put your tag up REAL SOON. glad you're back lady, I'll be there in a sec.

rich: YES... that's what I'm talken about, that rearing...thanks dude; I'll be there in 2 secs...lol

sheletha: lol...oh, I thought you were asking who she was...LOL. that's funny...ok, mama,you got your points.

soj.g: YES... EXACTLY, RIGHT IS RIGHT... an that should never be compromised. thanks dude.

t.g: FIRST OF ALL...GIRL, I CRACKED UP AT THAT LAST PART...HAHAHAHAH... You're a mess, but even if your tiredness, you managed to speak this wonderful truth, "girls know that boys 'shouldn't hit girls' and as they grow older, they use this to their advantage." AND that is the effect of this societal double standard...excellent point lady...thanks so much, now go ta bed!

mscoko: hahaha...girl I like when your last, because you always seem to wrap things up perfectly, so young and so wise...keep it up lady! "not even because he meant to do it, but off of a reflex then that ain't domestic violence." Boy, that reflex action is a motha, and we might feel like the woman brought it on herself, but if she calls the cops, we all know what's going to happen.

KIKI said...

As you know, I too am half-man and you already know my position on this. Like I said before...you bold enough to swing like a man, be prepared to get hit back like (by) a man! Not that I'm condoning a man hitting a woman, but I'm sick of women who think it's ok to beat the hell outta their man then call the po-po when he slaps her ass back (SMH)!

And what's with ere'body changin up there spot? First Sheletha & now you (or is it the other way around?). Was there a memo that I missed? lol I like the new look though.

Sheletha said...

Actually....JustMad was first...

CapCity said...

Sistah JMW, like U & Sistah Kiki I've been told that I am more yang than yin (or which ever is the male dominated side of yin & yang;-)...i generally stay quiet in the domestic violence conversations cuz i grew up with female abusers & manipulators...

great post, Sis! U r good at raising awareness! Hugz!