Friday, August 3, 2007

Wise Counsel-Preview

Boy, are you guys in for a treat; this piece of knewness is going to serve as an advice column…kinda like dear Abby. The Bible tells us to seek wise counsel and since I wear glasses…I think that qualifies me as such, AND since everybody’s always requiring a second-opinion , I’ve gotten with one of the wise men, no, not one that was led to Christ, but one from blogworld (although he was led to Christ too...just a couple thousand years later).

Here’s how things are going down; I’ve added a page element on the side of my page with email addresses for you guys to send real-life situations and dilemmas for Sojourner (the wise man) and myself to offer a First and Second Opinion on. If you’d like to give your situation anonymously, you can leave it in the comment section of the current post on either page. The situations (no more than 3) and opinions will be displayed every Thursday for your reading pleasure. Just for the record, neither of us are licensed therapists or counselors (YET-I'm working on it). We are just two people with opinions for those who are looking for objective feedback on their situations or questions.

Now, just to wet your whistle…here’s a real sample situation:


I have this female friend, who’s got a thing for me, but I’m not interested in her because she’s a bug-a-boo. We tried kick’n it for a minute, but she just really gets on my nerves, but I didn’t have a problem being friends. About a week ago, I had to attend a seminar in AC and asked her if she wasn’t doing anything would she like, to go so we problem.

Well, I was telling this to a friend and they asked why I even invited her since I’m always talking about how she gets on my nerves, and I said because I needed a ride. My friend got all upset and called me a user, but I made sure I wasn’t imposing on her or anything…she didn’t have to go if she didn’t want to AND what’s wrong with us being friends? Do you think I was wrong?


F.O. (First Opinion) :

I'd have to agree with your friend, because if she gets on your nerves why be bothered? Also, and this is the most important thing to me, you knew how she felt about you. Just because you turned her in the ‘off’ position doesn’t mean she’s done the same with you; she’s going to grab hold of any chance she gets, so asking her to go away somewhere was misleading; you built false hopes just because you wanted a ride. You may have viewed things as being harmless, but didn't give much thought as to how she’d feel during and after the trip when you’ve gotten back to dismissing her and ‘friends’ don’t treat each other that way. Thanks for offering this situation and I hope my opinion helped, if not…here's another!

S.O. (Second Opinion):

Couple clues here from your own words.
1)"...thing for me but I'm not interested in her": There's nothing wrong with building or maintaining a friendship with someone that you are "not feelin' that way," but the fair and compassionate thing to do is to make your feelings clear from the start. I don't know if you've done that. If she's not able to get where you are as far as feelings, distance might be in order for both of you. Since she gets on your nerves, I'm not sure why you want to spend any time with her at all.

2)"She's a bug-a-boo": This term alone indicates either her neediness or just a basic personality trait. We've all run into them at some point in our lives. You seem to be running away from it...or are you? Why would you engage a bug-a-boo? That's like an asthmatic smoking a cigarette, you're just asking for it.

3)"I needed a ride": This is the key. Your reasoning didn't involve getting to know her, building the relationship, wanting to do something nice for her or trying to put the friendship on the right footing. You needed a ride. At best, though you say you made sure it wasn't an imposition, a person can never fully understand the emotional imposition we place on others. Men are particularly susceptible to failure of taking into account the feelings of women. Face it; a lot of things get missed. And if you realize the possibility but forge ahead anyway, you're failing to pay attention at best and inconsiderate at worst.
My opinion, based only on what you've said? You're a user.


Opinionated Diva said...

I love this...very open and honest opinions!!!

And I agree with both the F.O and the S.O for this scenario!!! I'm off to think of some totally crazy and cooky scenario to drive the F.O. and S.O. completely mad!

Something like I'm in love with someone on my blogroll...but they're married...but they don't really love her...but I've never met him...but I know he's THE ONE...what should I do oh wise one???hehehe

Tasha said...

Great advice from F.O. and S.O.!! I'm looking forward to seeing your answers to upcoming questions

JustMeWriting said...

op.d: LOL...LOL...I CAN'T STAND YOU...HAHAHAHA! You betta not make up nothing...this is serious. HAHAHAH!

tasha: hey lady...yeah, I think this is going to be fun.

GC (God's Child) said...

Which leads me to wonder if the friend really is a "bug-a-boo" to begin with. This person seems a little on the selfish side so their opinion might be weighted.

Anonymous said...

@OD...Quit playin'! That stuff is going on with at least 5 bloggers I know! ROFL. You'll have to come harder than that. ;)

Sheletha said...

okay...jsut because you wear glasses...

Organized Noise said...

Hey, I wear glasses too. I could have been a wise man.

Anyway, let me find out "Strawberry Letters" have finally made it to blogland.

Mizrepresent said...

THis is excellent dialogue and i agree with both of you FO and SO, he's a user...i needed a ride...SHEEESH!

Ms. Behaving said...

As if I didn't have a million and one excuses to stay up in here already, YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND GIMMIE ONE MO huh???'!!!

Now about this dude here --- [SMH] Lemme at his @ss!! LOL

Hope you Have a great weekend!!!!

Opinionated Diva said...

Hmmmmmmmmm I'll have to think of something more crazy then.

Opinionated Diva said...

PS: Sojourner...ohhhhhhhh do tell. I can keep a secret! But only on Fridays, so you should tell me asap!

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Ok...I am totally in agreeement with both of these opinions.

Great job guys. I'm impressed.

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

See now I am curious as to what you guys would have said to Crazy Diva's situation. I may have to help her come up with a good one!

Ticia said...

You are right.... He was wrong... if this girl bothers you that much, you should have limited contact with her---

You were using matter what you think!

anonymousnupe said...

Man, go for yours!!!! She grown, right? Don't the Bible say "you have not 'cause you axe not"? All you did was axe!!!

Gumbo Gurl said...

I can't knock him for being what he is. It's the woman who has to recognize the real about him. She's aware of him brushing her off when SHE wants to be in his company, however, she's too naive to think that he's not using her when HE wants to be in her company?

And plus weighing all the elements, I'm sure she knows he doesn't have a ride. And on the flip side of the coin, maybe she enjoys having met his need.

Shoot dunno, but I would also agree that homeboy is a user. Straight Up!

Oh boy, gon' do what he do as long as he can get away with it which is also soooooo sad.

And the most saddest of

Tom_Gurl said...

I like this idea-oh wise ones...give em the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!!

With this dude...he's clearly using the girl, but at the same time, she is allowing him to....His reasoning: 'he made sure he wasn't imposing on her' but women (in particular) tend to do the strangest things when they're catching feelings...and that would include clearing the social calender to make oneself available to be the ride for the friend. He wouldn't be imposing cos it'd be a small sacrifice if there is the possiblity that spending more time together could make the friend see how great they'd be together...hmm-more fool her for possibly thinking this and in my opinion, he can only do as much as she allows him to...but he is a user-straight up and down!

As always-excellent post!

CapCity said...

i got a treat for ya at my spot, JMW:-). lol!

Andrew The Asshole said...

I love the format!! Pretty cool!!

3rd Option
I don't think she was wrong. Every person in your life should serve some purpose. That purpose might be networking, advise, monetary, fun, humorous, etc. If they are not serving some type of positive in your Life, cut them the fuck off. save yourself the time and energy. For a tree to grow properly don't you have to get rid of the dead branches? Or else it will kill the whole tree!!

Nic said...

Oooh me likey!

Scary pic though. That owl looks nasty.

All Blog Spots said...

nice blog

JustMeWriting said...

nic: LOL.... YOU IDIOT...YEAH, I FEEL THE SAME WAY... but I couldn't find anything to symbolize wisdom...hahaha. I'm going find something.

a.a: thanks dude. you don't think the woman was wrong for taking him, or you don't think the man was a user? You're right about people being in your life for a reason, but I don't want nobody around who gets on my nerves and if they're being there isn't all that important...they're OUTTA HERE! LOL.


Andrew The Asshole said...

They both were using each other for a reason that was important to them. That reason may not be important to us, but as long as they are getting something positive from the relationship

JustMeWriting said...

lol...oh indeed. If her quest was one of love, then she was using him to fullfill that, but I believe in fair exchange, so if I make my interest in you known and you feel otherwise, then don't play games, NOW...I do however think the woman allowed herself to be used, because he said he made his intentions toward her known...YES he played on her 'female-sensability' but she's old and should be wiser, but I guess she doesn't wear glasses...LOL.