Friday, February 8, 2008

What's Your Pleasure

“Some people like sniffing panties…”

Sorry for the crass beginning but it is Friday, so anything goes…Right? – RIGHT!

This lil tale of sheer insanity could be another insert into the “Dating Me” series, but I’ll leave the title as is.

Now as many of you know, I rarely get TOO personal in the blogsphere, unless I’m associating it with some sort of social issue or disorder and leaving you guys with a thought, question, or experience to share…and this is no different, but I’m about to get real personal.

I was dating (dealing) with this guy over the last couple of months…it was a somewhat awkward situation because he really didn’t make his interest clear. We met under the pretense of doing some business, but long after the business was over I was still getting random phone calls about pretty much-NOTHING! So, me being the impatient soul that I am, I asked…”what’s the deal dude…business is over, but you’re still calling and it sounds like you’re flirting with me, so what’s up?” – I think you guys know I’m direct, so unraise those eyebrows.

Anyway, I FORCED him into asking me on a date (you know I didn’t really force). So the “relationship” began and before long we were having relations – WARNING: PLEASE DISREGARD PAST POST CONCERNING ABSTINENCE!!!

THE INSANITY BEGINS: Now, I try not to be toooo heavy into astrology, but this guy is a Virgo and the stars say that we don’t mix well…I’m a Sagittarius. The stars said that I’d be bored with this sexual encounter (the stars ain’t neva lied – excuse my ebonics). But, the stars failed to inform me of what was to come. After TWO encounters I’d decided that this just wasn’t worth my time…I mean, if I’m going to ignore the policy of past-post it should at least be worth its “weight in gold.”

Again, my impatient-overly expressive personality kicked in and I told him that we shouldn’t see each other anymore because we were “sexually incompatible”…for some reason he didn’t take too kindly to that – MEN! He was adamant about having another opportunity to prove himself (bless his lil heart); me being such a caring, compassionate woman, I obliged.

During the “make-good” encounter we entered into a conversation about my first travel experience…now you guys should know I LOVE to talk, so in the midst of my rant he sneaks me…yeah, you know what I mean; he’d put the condom on and was on his way…WHY? Your guess is as good as mine. To my surprise he egged me on in this foolish episode of – “Sex and the Trip to Disney.” I wasn’t used to this kind of “experience” but was caught so off guard and by the time I regained my senses it was over.

Now, this dude is on point…I mean, he’s good-looking, intelligent and has his life in fairly good order and he’s a really nice guy with a hint of thuggish goodness, so I TRIED to stay into him, or at least let him stay “into” me…haha (sorry). I went on a few more weeks and encounters, but things were just not good. He just could NOT start anything up without engaging me in some senseless idol chatter…he had to get me talking about something before he could make his move. Now, I’ve heard people say they love the sound of my voice, but this was just RE-GAL-DANG-DIK-U-LIS!!!

The final ACT:
I’m lying in my bed FURIOUS at the fact that he’s just laying there (like he didn’t know why he was there). He’s playing this “shy” role like he doesn’t know what to do, but I knew what he wanted…I knew what he was waiting for…he wanted me to talk. That sick bastrid was waiting to hear my “seductive” voice tell a story then he’d make his move. Well since I was hip to his give, I kept quiet. He started talking about clubs in the area and I fell prey to his scheme and engaged - that was all she wrote, he quickly mounted me as I lay on my stomach with my head resting on my folded arms. He’d put the condom on and was going for a homer – NOT! “get the hell offa me!” is what escaped my lips with disgust…”this is so over…I refuse to play into this insanity.” Well, he didn’t leave right away, but when he did he said, “I’ll call you later.” WHY! Sir, this is a done deal.

I told a male friend about the strange experience and he said…”some people like sniffing panties and some like having “random” conversations during sex…it’s whatever gets you off.”

So, the question is: what bizarre fetishes have you experienced or exhibited?


Terry said...

I once knew a girl who would not have sex without socks on.

Like I said...I knew her...I didn't "do" her.

Just wanted to clear that up.

Mega Rich said...

What a way to come back to blogging. The only thing that comes to mind was this very intelligent and super attractive sister I holla'd at prior to dating my wife. She was the cousin of one of my boyz, but he was cool with me stepping to her, because she asked about me. Anyway, she asked me to slap her in the face while having sex. I was like WTF, girl I could hurt you. I'm not doing that. I ended up smacking her on the backside and called it a day.

That was about as wierd as it got for me, unless you want to hear about the chicks who like licking butt. (if you can come out the closet, I guess I can share that tidbit).

Anonymous said...

Ewww...licking butt.

I've never experienced any weird fetishes. Guess I'm lucking. Unless call someone telling me he has to get high before sex everytime weird

Ms. Behaving said...

LMAO!!! Gurl that is straight crazy!!!

I knew this dude a LONG...LONG...LONG time ago who had the damn balls to ask me if he could wear my panties home after the act.

Damn shame I tell ya...

Ole nasty @ss!!!

Anonymous said...

Never mind what gets ME off! I'm NOT regarding "previous post regarding abstinence!"

Ahhh neva mind. I ain'tcho daddy and you grown...

But LMBAO that he suckered you into talking AGAIN (which is NOT...I mean REALLY REALLY NOT hard to believe).

On the other hand, you should be easy on your impression of ol' dude. Yeah, over is over, but he could have been into some far worse stuff than simply being aroused by your dulcet tones.

What if he were nosing into your pits?
What if he licked utensils you just used?
What if he needed to see you pick your nose?
What if he wanted to WEAR your draws.

Look at the bright side of things I always say...

Mizrepresent said...

Dang gurl, now you know i did not expect this post from you...okay, lol...i mean, you went well beyond the honor of "helping him get it right"...awe boring sex, smh, it is sad to say, we just can't deal with the fetish thing...i just can't think of anything that didn't seem normal.

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

Okay, you win. That dude was a strange one sweetie!

Tom_Gurl said...

LMAO! This was too funny!!

I have nothing wierd to share...but I'm LOL @ your misfortune! And the crazed chick mega rich dealt with!!

KIKI said...

I like a little slap 'n tickle every now & that weird? That about all I'm willing to divuldge...I've led a pretty wild life LOL!

Glad to see you back, Just! I missed ya!

(now stay away from the crazies...PUH-LEEESSSS)

Ticia said...

my BFF likes to be choked and beat...
He is nuts!

Ticia said...


One dude kept asking me on the lick his toes....
He was saying it over and over again---

Totally made me sick.... real sick--
That is something you just don't say.... well to me that is!

It turned me off--
I am not into toes... ya know

JustMeWriting said...

LOL... you guys are a mess.

G: LOL... @ the things he COULD have been into.


Rich: AHAHAHA... I so don't understand the whole pain Ticia's comment about the guy wanting to be choked...LOL. that's so wild to me, but to each his own.

JustMeWriting said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
deepnthought said...

LOL. RMBOFL. You are too much. I was sooooo not expecting such a story from you. Funny as it is. I was jut not prepared. lol

I cant say I have any crazy stuff like that to happen.

Opinionated Diva said...

I am so mad I missed this post!

Just wow!!!

I can't say I've had any dude do anything that was strang...that I didn't like! LOL!

I so feel you on the lack of connection though. On paper he sounds great, but in person, he just doesn't do it for me I get it!

Nic said...

I don't know, but i'm bout to start calling people "Sir" just for the hell of it.


anonymousnupe said...

Tsk, tsk, tsk, JMW. But I ain't judgin'. Ok, yes I am. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

There was one who insisted that I did the deed on her face (but she didn't give head, which made it that much weirder); a couple who insisted that we did it with the lights on every time (which was fine by me); and one who insisted that her two best friends watch every time. Ok, just kidding about that last one. But I had y'all goin' for a hot second, right?

JustMeWriting said...

LOL....nupe, I've been waiting IMPATIENTLY for you to surface, so I had to put up subjects that would draw you out and it Oh, yes you did have me going, but I expect nothing less from you.

CapCity said...

U need to leave a voice message over at my blog, Sis - so we can all hear this irresistible voice! LOL!